3 weeks old

Today Jayven is 3 weeks old. This has been the fastest and still the slowest 3 weeks I have experienced. Everyday WE go visit him and WE tell him how much WE love him and that WE want him home.
Skylee reminds me that he has no idea what "home" is and that makes me sad.
I asked the nurses if there has ever been any studies showing NICU babies do not bond as well later in life with their mother (parents/families) because of the lack of contact in their first few days/months.
The answer was no, but they looked at me a little strange like it was a weird question to ask. After a short pause the nurse went on to say "you do know you are great parents? Right?" I admitted that I felt huge amounts of guilt that I do not sit in NICU 24/7, that I feel like a horrible parent because I need to sleep, eat and take breaks. She said to stop feeling this way, she told us how we are their more than most parents and we would be shocked at how many of the babies their do not ever have a single person come spend time with them, hold them or tell them how much they are loved.
She said she sees me kangaroo Jayven and pointed out how good that is for him. All of this should have helped me feel better and maybe it did a little, however, I know deep down I am still not their enough for him or my other kids. If you asked Dustin he would say "I never see my mother anymore".

My rock:
One of the reasons I have not completely broken down yet is because of Vic. He loves me & little man so much, he is right there with me every visit. He does not take breaks or stay home. He keeps me calm when I want to scream. He is patient with me when he REALLY wants to hold Jayven but I just cant bear to hand him over just yet. He talks to him and makes little man smile. Vic is my rock and for that I am thankful. Happy early fathers day Victor Lee Johnson, I love you!