I felt empty that my baby was no longer in my stomach as he should be and to top it off he is not here, at home with us.
It's not fair to him or any baby to learn that being hooked up to monitors, stuck with needles and cared for by multiple strangers daily is the norm. Babies should be loved and cared for by their MOMMY & DADDY - this feeling sucks for me and I just hope it does not feel the same for him every time I have to leave him.
You know what also sucks? The feeling of seeing pregnant woman, it's weird how just the site of a woman who is clearly just about ready to give birth (i.e going to have a term baby) can trigger me to start crying on cue. Never mind how mad I get when people complain about pregnancy related stuff, just makes me want to ask them if they understand how lucky they are!!
I think this stuff bothers me more because as I said, I know this was the last time I will have ever felt the kick of a baby inside me again.
I know I have a long time before Jayven comes home so this empty feeling is something I have to deal with or learn how to cope with but I don't see it getting easier.
For now I will just spend as much time as I can with him here in the hospital and hope he does not feel the way I do when I walk away from his incubator.
Lori, everything will be well. Maybe it was God's plan for this to happen. Maybe there is a greater purpose for this. I know it can be sad sometimes, but at the end of the day, always look at the bright side...he is here in this world and he's yours.
ReplyDeleteHi Hope, I really do try to look at the bright side, I know he could easily have MANY problem being born so early but he is a strong, bright eyed, very aware little man. I do believe everything happens for a reason, I may never know the reason for this but as you say he is here and he is MINE and for that I could not be more thankful.
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